An open letter to the SLCPL

Dear Salt Lake City Public Library,
I, your humble servant and old friend, hereby request that you respond to my petitions to forgive my library fine. Now while this may seem at first to be an absurd request I think you'll find upon closer examination the decision makes excellent sense. I warn you dear SLCPL, the story I'm about to tell you may shock you and even drive some to tears, but it is a story I feel needs telling.

There once was an eager young man who lived in the Salt Lake Valley. This fine man decided one day it was high time he took responsibility for his own education and went to the first public institution that came to mind to accomplish this goal, the Salt Lake City Library. Thus, this bright-eyed boy's quest for learning began. Initially he started simply, reading only the classics and books he'd easily be able to relate to and understand. It was only a matter of time however before this newborn scholar's appetite grew to insatiable proportions. He began Kissinger's Diplomacy, sped through Homer's inconquerable epic The Illiad, and satisfied himself with simply studying the cover of Joyce's Finnegans Wake. It was only a matter of time until tragedy befell the emerging sapling however. "All good things must come to an end."

The boy lost a book.

Yes my friend, it's true, the boy lost a book. He searched everywhere and nowhere could find it.
Searching proved vain. He began an epic quest but never once was he able to gain the goal he had sought. Over time the boy lost both his book and hope.

My dear friends, I call on you now, at this, my greatest time of need! Please my friends! I am this poor suffering boy! Forgive me my debts and help me help the world by educating myself and all those around me. Allow me access to your vast stores of knowledge and I hereby pledge that I shall never lose another library book. This is my word, please take it to heart.

Sincerely,
Kevin Blissett (joethesupercow@gmail.com)